Short Stories and Accountants and Vampires…Oh My!

I am interrupting your regularly scheduled blog post for one that is crazy fun.

I mean, seriously. So fun.

I’m taking a writing course through ACFW, and one of the writing prompts was to write in one or two sentences the five major plot points of a book. Well, I royally screwed it up (by reading the instructions incorrectly–it was 2am, okay?) and wrote a short story instead. Oops!

But it was SO MUCH FUN. Considering how stuck I was editing Wisdom and Folly, it was refreshing to do something new!

I had to share it with all of you.

Without further ado, I give you my story. I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it! :)

(Oh, yes! The prompt* is about Clive and Olivia, who are accountants, and has a Christian theme. I could choose any genre, take the story anywhere I wanted…so I did.) ;)

1.

Clive and I are just ordinary accountants. Day in, day out, we do the same blasted thing. Every. Single. Day.
“Are you a vampire?”
“Yes.”
“Coming or going?”
“Coming.”
“Sign here.”
Or.
“Going.”
“Please state how you would like your funds transferred. A lump sum, or doled out in monthly payments.”
Bor-ring.
Clive eats it up. Not literally. He could do this for the rest of his days, you know, forever, and be perfectly content.
Not me.
I want adventure.

2.

I long for the day when I ask, “Are you a vampire?” and the person looking at me says, “No,” with a wicked gleam in his eye.
I’ll rise up out of my chair, slowly, like this, as a smile slides across my face.
“Who are you, then?”
“Your worst nightmare.”
Okay. So I need to come up with something better than that, but you get the idea.
Then I’ll say, “Bring it,” and we’ll have the most glorious fight, flinging desks and this awful paperwork everywhere, where it will be shredded beyond repair. And then I’ll…
“Olivia. Olivia!”
Blast that man.
“What now, Clive?”
“You’re daydreaming again. And scaring your next customer. Pay attention.”
I look around. All work has ceased. All eyes staring. At me.
I plop down in my seat, not bothering to glance at the man standing before me. I let out a loud, rebellious huff. Fine.
“Are you a vampire?”
“No.”
I stare up at him, jaw slack.
Uh. That’s not good.

3.

“You let him escape!” explodes from Clive’s mouth.
“It’s not like you did anything to stop him, either.”
We are shoving paperwork into industrial-sized shredders as fast as we can.
“He was your customer.”
I stop and stare at him. “Really? So it’s only my fault?”
He has the grace to look embarrassed. He waves at the piles of paper in my hands. “Hurry up, will you?”
Grumbling, I turn back to my task. “What I would like to know is, why on earth do we ask the stupid question anyway if no one is supposedly let down here but vampires?”
“I don’t know.”
Stalemate.
Any time Clive is done talking to me, all he says is, “I don’t know.”
It is obnoxious.
“All I know is you need to hurry before the rest come and kill us all.”
My stomach drops, and I hang my head. “Sorry,” I mumble.
“I know.”

4.

Clive and I inch down the tunnel, the exact opposite of brave. We found them. The un-vampire is back, and he brought a hoard of friends. I know we’re supposed to be stronger and bloodthirsty and all of that, but it just isn’t true. We just want to live in peace. Or, at least, I do. I take back every adventure I said I wished I had. Ever.
The voices grow louder, I tremble more, Clive slips behind me.
Seriously?
They explode around the corner, torches lifted high.
“There they are!” Cheers erupt behind the leader.
He marches up to me.
“I–you–halt, person. People. All of you. Uh…”
He takes my outstretched hand and pumps it furiously. I swear it was held out in a “stop right there” stance, not a “shake me” one, but oh well…I guess…
“Crimeny, but it’s good to see you’re still here. I was afraid with all that running and screaming there might not be anyone left. But there you are! And here we are! So if you’ll just take us to whoever’s in charge–”
I hold up my hand–the right way this time, I promise–and quiet his blathering.
“Stop. What on earth are you talking about? There is no way I’m going to let you hurt anyone, and if you think for one minute I’m going to take you anywhere–”
“We want to join you.”
I stutter to a stop.”Uh, what?”
He grins. “We want to join you. Become vampires.”
I stare at him, open-mouthed. Clive peeks at the mob from behind me.
“But why?” bursts from me. “You can go outside, enjoy the sun, have families, breathe fresh air–did I mention go outside?–and be normal. Why on earth would you want to join us?”
He pulls a ginormous text from his satchel. I just about go cross-eyed from looking at the massive thing. Ugh. More paper.
“We’re missionaries, and we want to join you. We want to become vampires.”
Missionaries?
I drop away in a dead, ahem, undead faint.

5.

I stare at our new members, not convinced.
They are nice enough, I suppose, but they’re way too happy. And always talking about this Jesus guy. Weird.
Uh oh. One of them is headed my way.
I look everywhere, but, finding no escape, am caught in conversation.
He smiles. “Olivia. Want to go on an adventure? Above ground?”
No, thank you. The last time, and the only time, I might add, I went outside, I nearly got crispy-fried, bungled our mission, and let dinner go. I couldn’t help it. The guy was so cute with his blond hair and sun-kissed skin–I didn’t want to drink his blood. Gag. All I ever see is dark hair and pale skin. The new look was a blessed relief.
Yeah. I was never let above ground again.
I shake my head no.
He grins. “It’ll be fun.”
Absolutely not.
“Oh, come on. I have a secret.”
I eye him suspiciously.
“Clive agreed to go.”
My spine jerks upright. Of all the selfish–he knows an adventure is my idea.
I stand and sweep my hand. “Lead the way.”
He does. And I find the adventure of a lifetime.

The End.

Wasn’t that fun? I loved writing it! :)

In Him,

Michele

*Prompt provided by Linda Wood Rondeau for an ACFW loop course. www.lindarondeau.com & www.acfw.com (Their courses are amazing, you guys. Check out ACFW sometime if you want to learn how to write and write well.)

Photograph “Stories7” by Faestock on deviantart.com.

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